A few truths...

...about Texas, according to me.

1. Central Market is far superior to Whole Foods. Its big, its gourmet, and it has superior products. Its not pretentious, its not exclusive, and its NOT EXPENSIVE. You can really walk out of there with all of your fresh ingredients for about the same price as your run-of-the-mill grocery package store.

2. Taco Cabana is shitty, but its still better than most of the "Mexican Food" that you can get in Colorado. They have a salsa bar, and half of the salsas will melt your face off. Fantastic.

3. Girls are pretty here. I still have no idea what it is, but every woman here is stunning. I forget about it sometimes. I mean, I know some pretty girls in Colorado - but its a different pretty. The women here are drop-whatever-you're-drinking-and-stare-open-mouthed pretty. I dont care why, I just enjoy it. Thank you genes.

4. Stuff is big here. Everything really. Cars. Grocery Stores. Malls. Stadiums. The state itself. Everything. Its hard to find good beer here, but when you do you find LOTS of it. Stockpiles. (see: #1 Central Market).

5. Pearl Snap Shirts aren't a fashion statement...its just what you wear.

6. The accent is contagious. Add a syllable to a one-syllable word. Drawl it out. Good.

Merry Sweet-Baby-Jesus Birthday.

Dumb People that Ruin the Snow 2

"Grenade Stickers"

Hey guys, lets get together and revolt. Revolt against the man. Revolt against society. Revolt against industrial standardization, banking, and business. How can we do that?

Buy a grenade sticker for $6.00. That will show them. Why? Because..."you have become exactly what THEY want you to be." And "we will still be listening to rock and roll and coming to work hung over. We are here to live on, join us!" Yeah! Join us! Join us in taking a few months inbetween our private educations and taking a job in daddy's office. Join us in "slumming it" in Vail for 6 months. Join us in sticking it to the man, until our parents stop sending us checks...whereas we will then let the man stick it to us.

I'm sure that the guy selling those stickers isn't sitting at a desk in a corner office wearing a suit and blowing his nose with the money that all those punk kids are sending him. I'm sure he isnt laughing at "the movement" as he calls his driver to pick him up. "I have reservations at Mortons tonight" he says, "so step on it."

Like I've said before - if you want to change something, do something about it. You know, something more than putting a trendy sticker on the back of your [insert foreign eco-friendly AWD automobile]. Get a job. But thanks for helping me get on the lift.

Sometimes I don't...

...know what happened until I look at the pictures on my camera. I dont mean mind erasing, black out drinking - I just mean it all happens so fast. And so many crazy things. And, well, yes, sometimes I just have a hazy night.

Monday - Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, and Oasis. Funny thing - Ryan Adams plays a bad-A version of Wonderwall. He didnt that night. BUT he DID ask where the closest Taco Bell was.

Long week at work - my Los Angeles-based rep Kasey was in town all week for training. Lots of cases. Lots of training. A few opportunities to show Kasey Denver's claim to fame: beer.

Friday night - a cup of hot tea, a couch, and a serious movie. Didnt make it all the way through.

Saturday night - Sidecars. Its both the name of a holiday beverage and a party. I found out that taxis actually run at 4am in Denver.

Sunday - Craig and I went up to the Frisco castle to prepare for a big day of skiing. Highlights:

-7 degrees Monday morning (thats negative seven farenheit)

Grilling brats at 11760ft

Thigh deep powder at Vail

A bluetooth-enabled ski helmet so I can keep working

World Ping Pong Championship

Crock Pot Chicken and Dumplings

Shazam.

The weather really...

...dictates your everyday, extracurriculear life here. Maybe that is why it gets mentioned so often here on "the schedule." If its warm, cycling. Snowing, skiing. Raining...wait five minutes, go cycling. Cold and dry, football in the park. Warm and dry, frisbee in the park. So on, so forth.
But then there is the "I did it because I could..."
I go skiing in October. Not because the pickin' is good - but because I could. Arapahoe Basin and Loveland start blowing man-made as soon as the dial starts dropping below 32 at night just so they can compete to be the first to open. When they do, we run out there once or twice just to make a few turns. Just because we are blessed to live in the same place that God does (Colorado), and just because we can.
During the summertime, I cycle. I ride a lot. I do it because I love it, but I also do it to train for the next race - whichever that one may be. If you go ride once a week, sure, its better than sitting on the couch - but its not going to get you into shape. But if it is December, sunny, and 60 - you just do it because you can. Take that, mother nature.

It helps to...

...have friends. Friends that have friends. Friends that have access to things. Perhaps it is the recession that we are facing. Perhaps it is the weakness of the USD. Perhaps it is just the way that we roll in Colorado - but the barter system is back. And a subsection of the barter system - the hookup system - is charging its way to the front of the pack.

1. My brother Craig is a brewer. Not the kind that makes up silly concoctions in the basement that will never see a retail shelf (thats me)...but the kind of brewer that works in a brewery. A brewery that makes hundreds of gallons of the beautiful bubbly stuff daily. I swear, that guy can walk into any store with a growler of beer and walk out with something for free.

2. My roomie JD works at a ski shop. He can wax the shit out of a pair of skis. He likes beer, too.

3. I have a friend that works at the Denver Convention Center. That is where they have the Great American Beer Festival. Ive never paid for a ticket, ever.

4. An unnamed friend works at an unnamed high-end restaurant in Denver in a hip neighborhood. If I go eat there with him, it costs about as much as a burrito. But way fancier. In return, we let him hang out at the crib and drink off of our taps.

So, basically, this is what I am trying to say: The Dollar is down, the Draught is up. Buy low, sell high. Prost.

The day was...

...mine. I have had many moments when I felt that I had become an adult. Like I have made a tangible contribution to society. My first real job. My first pieces of furniture (non-thrift store). My first car. My first sucessful fund-raiser. Various moments in my career. Blah blah blah. None of these have equaled my last feat:

I made the Thanksgiving turkey.

Big thanks to all those who walked before me to create this art and science. Cheers to the person who discovered that by using the process of osmosis, the turkey meat's cell membranes will open up to allow salt in, thus chemically breaking down internal fiber protiens - creating a tender, juicy meat. Thanks to all those who perished before the discovery of the "safe temperature" of turkey - 165 degrees F. Prost to whoever invented compound butter. An indebited gratitude to the Jewish people for their Kosher salt. A tribute statue should be erected to the boy scout that figured out the best way to truss that bird with all the crazy knots and miles of twine, I can barely tie my shoes. Thank you Alton Brown, Emeril, Tyler Florence, and the Food Network staff. I couldn't have done it without you. All of you. Thanks.

I would also like to thank King Soopers for selling an 18lb. turkey for $10. For the neighbor girls for organizing and throwing the shindig - and making it possible for me to focus on the turkey and not on the side dishes (all FIFTEEN of them). Thank you vegetarian girls at the table that decided to break the rules for just one day...and then go back for seconds. And lastly, thank you food-induced coma.

See you next year.

Dumb People that Ruin the Snow 1

"Basketball Jerseys"

I could make one entry called "Snowboarders," but then you wouldnt get to enjoy my rants throughout the winter. I would be done today and I wouldnt have anything else to say. So, I will be breaking it down over the course of a few months. Today, basketball jerseys. Big, baggy basketball jerseys. They dont belong on the mountain. They look stupid, and are completely non-functional. Basketball is a sport played inside, on a court, and in a tanktop. Skiing/snowboarding is a sport played outside, on the snow, in the (sometimes) blistering cold, and bundled up in Gore Tex, Thinsulate, RipStop Nylon, and Goose Down.

If you want to be ironical, wear a hula skirt over your ski clothes on Gaper Day.

I am not sure how you identify with the basketball culture, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with rebelling against Daddy and his law firm. But make sure that you dont rebel enough for him to stop paying for your Audi while you are taking the year off.

Late Early Season...

...is approaching. For some people, Ski Season is Ski Season.

1. For the complete layman, it can only be separated by when the lifts are running. Kind of like a light switch, it is either ski season, or not ski season.

2. For the college student, we can separate the season into two times: Winter and Spring Break. Winter is when you go with your parents and let them pay for everything. Spring Break is when you rent a one bedroom condo with 15 of your closest friends, pack into a suburban complete with a cooler full of frozen lasagnas you bought at Sams Club, and head up to the mountains for a lot of debauchery and a little skiing.

3. For the novice, we can add a third subsection. Now it is early, mid, and late season. Early means "before Christmas", mid means "until March", and late means "until the lifts at Vail close." This is a little like getting really excited at the end of a storm, pointing at the clouds, and saying, "Look! There are Three Colors in the Rainbow!" But we are getting a little closer.

4. For the Female Texan, there are only two seasons: "Too cold," and "Warm Enough to Wear my Fuzzy Boots." Beware gentlemen - apres ski clothes are very expensive, can only be worn once (apparently), and is only worn by tourists. Run.

There are countless other ways to look at the calendar. Not one is wrong, as long as it involves you getting on the snow. Or really, if it involves you longing to be on the snow. The snow is falling, and its alive. It lets you ride on it. It lets you live. It is generous.

We have our own conception of when it is ski season out here. The lifts dont regulate the season. The season consists of micro-seasons, usually each consisting of one minute. One run is different from the next. One hike changes the consistency of the downward trip. One morning is different from the afternoon.

Now, there is an ebb and flow to this free-form message. A ying to the yang. The mountain is a peaceful place. The snow falls quietly and embraces us. But, with all the peace and quiet, I am still a bitter, judgemental person. And I want you to know all about my hate and scorn, so look for my special section/rants throughtout the winter called "Dumb People that Ruin the Snow." Enjoy.

The view from...

...my new office isnt bad.

Go ahead, click on it.

The snow is...

...coming down, and the tourists are coming up.

I headed up to the Frisco Castle on Thursday to slow down a little. Found out that the condo is pretty conducive for working during the week, so that was a bonus. A little rundown of the last few days:

1. Drove up through a little snowstorm on the way up. Snow is good. Wind is scary. ALSO, I think I have the original headlamps in my '99 4Runner...so I promptly replaced them after I got up here. Its okay Mom, I have The Force.

2. Met another of the Castle roomies on Thursday night - we had a really exciting night of doing absolutely nothing. You may say "Wait Kevin, doing nothing doesnt sound very exciting." Ah, but yes, it was VERY exciting. I love doing nothing.

3. I skied on Friday morning before my conference call. It was snowing. I had a snow beard. All was well again.

4. Saturday skiing was...well, Saturday skiing. There is very little terrain actually open, and not all the resorts are open yet. LOTS OF PEOPLE. And since I had skied Breck on Friday, I thought I would head over to Keystone. Got there about opening time...and promptly put my skis back in my car and had breakfast and coffee. Only the gondola (aka "the Gaper Box") was open, and the line was AT LEAST 90 minutes to get on. Seriously, Ive never seen a group of lemmings like that. People were lined up all the way back to Margaritaville. Breakfast was good though.

5. So I went home, grabbed my roomie Brandy, and we went over to Breck again. Lines werent as bad and we got a few runs in. I thought that cycling all summer would get my legs ready for Tele Skiing. Nope. My quads are dead after two days of skiing in a row (only four runs each day). Thus, I found it necessary to...

6. Get in the hot tub at the Castle. Oh, not just once, but three times. I think I have somehow permanently cured my skin. Not unlike bacon. I hear the pruny look is all the rage now.

7. I thought that I had figured out the American political scene in terms that actually mattered. My roomie JD always said during the debates, "Whichever one talks about skiing first - Ill vote for." So, I got really excited in a moment of enlightenment up here in the mountains: driving behind a car with an Obama sticker I realized that you can call him "SNOW-bama." After a few short seconds of rejoice, and a mind that is constantly on the single track - I both realized that I could have completly redistributed the Colorado vote if I would have called the other guy "Champagne McCain." Damn, too late.

See you back in the city. You know, soonish.

Texas does funny...

...things to me. I get pretty introspective. Maybe its the looking back at "home" as an outsider. Perhaps its because I realize that Texas doesnt put itself on hold, and doesn't get excited for my homecoming. Or its because I can actually slow down when I get there and think. Nevertheless, Texas does funny things to me. But I also do funny things to Texas:

1. Looked at a baby. My cousin Jordan and his wife Lori had a baby. I had actually timed my trip back to Texas based on the due date...played my cards right and the little guy was actually born a couple of weeks ago. Cute little guy - named him Colt. I am pretty convinced that with a name like that he is either going to be an outlaw or a quarterback. Or an outlaw quarterback.

2. Went to a wedding. It was a strange act for me to actually get a hotel room in Fort Worth. But it was good. My buddy Tim from college jumped ship and actually tied the knot. Actually as I looked around at my college friends' ladyfriends I noticed that they all had rings on their fingers. It made me stop and think...glad I got out of Texas alive.

3. Got on stage. I'm not exactly sure how the events went down, but here is a synopsis: I remember a wedding. Then there was the reception. Then everybody filed out to a bar. There was a tequila shot. And then I was in the Stockyards with some strangers that I had just met. Oh, and Jordan was playing music so I got up on stage and the Wayward Mycoskies were once more. Oh, the sweetest winds they blow across the south.

4. Ate Mexican food. Oh, glorious Mexican food. Spent a little time with my dear old friend Garret and we went to Esparanzas. The salsa was spicy. The relleno was incredible. And I washed it all down with Iced Tea. Unsweetened.

5. Figured out whats important. You don't have to talk to people everyday to be friends. And in friendship there is sacrifice. Friends make you assess yourself. Friends go out of their way to see you. Friends pay for lunch.

If you know...

...me well, I've probably cooked for you in the past. I love to cook. I love to feed. I love to eat. And there have been a few recipes that I have done well with in the past: Stuffed Chicken Parmesan, Penne and Pesto, Sticky Rice, Migas, Breakfast Burritos, Peasant's Meal...but now I think I have the perfect recipe. But the pre-preparation is as important as the actual ingredients, technique, and preparation. Here it goes...

Blackened Pizza Surprise:

1. Dress like an participant of Pamplona's Running of the Bulls with some of your friends. Make sure that somebody actually dresses like a bull or you might lose a little of the flair.

2. Drink German beer from a funnel. Nevermind the fact that you haven't done this since highschool (you know, substituting "German" with "Cheap Domestic").

3. Play flipcup with all of the Runners, this time using Wynkoop's not so light beer.

4. Repeat step #2.

5. Go to Halloween Party with 400 other people, but make sure to bring a waterbottle full of moonshine (really). Not because you are too cheap to buy drinks, but because you don't want to wait in line (you aren't fooling anyone, though).

6. Dance a lot. Get really sweaty. Yeah.

7. Find guy dressed as Jose Cuervo and take shots of tequila using his provided booze and shot glasses.

8. Repeat step #6.

9. Walk home when its time. But make a detour to King Soopers to pick up a frozen pizza. Nevermind that you are lactose intolerant.

10. Set oven at instructed temperature. Place pizza on a cookie sheet (preheated) as to avoid making a cheese mess in the oven. Set time according to instructions.

11. Lay down on the couch. Because, in your state, you will definitely hear the buzzer go off.

12. Five hours later make sure your roommate comes down stairs to turn off oven.

13. Two more hours later get off the couch, wonder who the heck tried to make a pizza, go upstairs to bed.

There you go, the perfect recipe. Don't try that at your home.

Global Warming is...

...a crock. I can definitely bore you with my scientific opinion (that is the kind of opinion that doesn't include regurgitating Al Gore repeatedly), but I won't. I'll just tell you a real, legitimate, bona-fide observation:


It is snowing in Colorado and you can ski on it.


Its true. I've seen it with my own two eyes. I've ridden it with my own two planks.


Global Warming my ass. Bring on the fluffy stuff.

Wig Parties are...

...the new Sweater Party. Seriously, buying a wig is more of an investment nowadays than a purchase. Personally, I have a diversified portfolio of stocks, international stocks, bonds, and a couple of wigs.

At least this time we mixed it up and crawled down Broadway. We ended up at the Skylark Lounge, where there was a fairly diverse crowd. Some (extremely prototypical) hipsters walked in and asked me, [in a scoffing way]"Are you doing some sort of theme, or something?"

"Yup. We are all wearing matching black Cinelli hats and messenger bags. Its a hipster party!"

I think the three hipster/messenger amigos weren't happy with my witty comeback. One even bowed out his chest a little. Alas, one of the tatooed, horned rim glasses wearing, cutoff jorts sporting, Chuck Taylors wearing dudes realized that one of the wigged partygoers behind me was 6'10". So they sulked off to listen to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones sounding band.

At that point, I thought it would be a good time to grab a Kabob Sandwich from the new place nextdoor with the disco lights, Middle Eastern house music, and lack of customers and head home. Good kabob, though.

Its starting to...

...get cold. The air is crisp. The leaves are changing. And you know what that means:

The Great American Beer Festival.

2052 different beers. 432 breweries. 46,000 people. 4 sessions. 3 days. Lots of good times.

I find that the longer that I am involved in the Brewing Industry (not-directly as of current), and the more accessible different beers and different brew festivals and events become to me, GABF actually becomes a hassle. I mean, its a wonderful hassle - and if nothing else a spectacle not to be missed. Last year I went to all 4 sessions (didnt pay for any of them, of course). This year only one. Apparently Ive grown old over the past 12 months.

GOOD NEWS! The Wynkoop received 2 Gold Medals this year, with beer brewed while Craig was the head brewer. Thus, Craig may be the youngest person in GABF history to double-gold. Maybe if someone can check those facts I would greatly appreciate it. Read all about it here.

Other than the GABF goodness, I headed up to Ft. Collins for the TCU vs. CSU football game. Not only did I get to see my Froggies win, but I ran into quite a few old friends from college - including a few that have since moved up to Colorado. Good times.

Well, I have to go prepare for Columbus Day...and you know what that means: nothing really.

"Every day should...

...be like today" Craig says to me as we leave Thanksgiving Dinner today. Yes, Thanksgiving Dinner - in October. You say that we are a month and a half early. I say that we should have Thanksgiving Dinner all the time.

We were late to Thanksgiving though, but only because we had to go to a pig roast first. You say that eating a full meal at a pig roast then eating a full meal at a Thanksgiving Dinner sounds like gluttony. I say that you are right.

Lets step back a few days:

Friday: I packed up the car and headed up to the Frisco Condo Castle with Brandy - my urology colleague, my friend, and now my condo roomie. It was the first weekend that we had keys to the place so we headed up to hang out with some of our new friends.

Saturday: I was going to go fly fishing, and Brandy was going to meet a friend in Vail for lunch...but after meeting our new condo friends in true summit county fashion - we didnt really get around to doing much except for taking a hot tub and a nap. But we had to head back to the city because the ATX Frat House was throwing a Pray for Snow Party/Mikes Feliz Cumpleanos (that is Spanish). Its a very solemn event where we sit in a circle in silence, acheive a zen state, and visualize snow falling quietly. Its a lot like that except that we added a bunch of adult drinks, loud music, 80s ski attire, a shotski and a beerski, cornhole, and a progressive march from the house to a bar that we closed down. Which actually extended quite a bit into...

Sunday: We all slept until late (except JD who, somehow, opened the Hooked on Colfax coffeeshop on time). I received a delivery breakfast burrito from Bobby, then made coleslaw for Thanksgiving Dinner. Pig roast. Thanksgiving Dinner. Nap on the loveseat.

Every day should be like today.

Oh yes, and our prayers were answered. Snow above 11,000 feet last night. And so it begins...

Ellen gives Mike a special birthday gift:

Maybe I don't...

...believe in Karma. I don't know, maybe I do. Maybe all those bad Karma points are getting cashed in right now. You know, from highschool.


Its not so bad, but...I feel like I try to do the right thing. Try to treat people well. Give back to the community. Chase fulfillment rather than the dollar. All that stuff. But what happens? Somebody goes and hits my car in the middle of the night. No note. Just some dents, scratches, and a little gift of a broken tail light.








I feel like the guy in Always Sunny on the easy chair.


And me being me and believing in my local police department, and believing that those forensic science police detectives - I thought the fuzz would love to come over with white gloves, cameras, plastic bags and do some of that cool CSI shit. Nope, I actually filed my report online. I doubt any human being will actually even read that report.
Anyways, if you are reading this, you just received 10 of the Bad Karma points from my account. Asshole.

I have a few pieces of good news, though:

1. I am the proud leasee of a ski condo in Frisco for the season. 3 stories, sleeps 12, and has an indoor hot tub on the bottom floor. If you need me between this Wednesday and the end of April, Ill probably be there.

2. It might officially be fall, but its still warm and sunny here in Denver. Cycling season might have ended, but we are still spinning. Spinning. Spinning.

3. The Frogs were in the top 25 this week. And they cant take this week away from us...

4. I have car insurance.

5. She likes home brewed beer.

And now for your moment of zen:

Right before bed...

...every night when I was living in Georgia I went on a walk. Usually about an hour. I lived out in the middle of the woods, away from any signs of society and prosperity - so the only thing I had to worry about was bears. Although I am still pretty sure that no bear ever came near me, the deer used to startle me often. Those guys are pretty used to having people close-ish, so they wouldnt react until you got REALLY close, then they would let out one quick breath and take off running. No matter how many hour long walks I went on, every time I thought it was mama bear ready to maul me.
Funny thing is that I knew that as soon as I left the North Georgia mountains, I would miss that walk. Bear-fright and all.
What sparked that nightly walk was a conversation that I had with a friend of mine - we promised eachother that we would take a walk every night and think, ponder, pray about something as we walked throught the darkness. Darkness is a funny thing - although unnerving at times, it is also soothing and free of distractions. With the exception of the snorting does, of course.
When I moved to Denver, I didnt think Id ever have that silence, that solitude, that darkness anymore. I kind of gave up. I nixed the nightly walk.
Tonight I walked. Walked through the urban jungle. Walked alone. Although, some things have changed. The situation that I was pondering in Georgia ceases to exist. The bears and deer live far outside of my newish realm. The darkness has been replaced by halogen street lamps.
But solidute still exists in this urban wilderness I live in. Its not all-encompassing like the woods of Georgia. But now that I know my neighborhood, now that I know the traffic patterns, now that I fear strangers like I feared the bears, some things seem remote again. I can walk on a street that isnt a major thoroughfare. I can be on my toes waiting for street people. I can talk with myself and not fear onlookers. Onlisteners.
Tonight I found that I am still in the wilderness. Things havent changed, I have. But I can still find that same solitude, I can still find that same conversation, I can still find that same stillness. In the middle of the city.

I went to...

a wedding tonight. Yes, on a Wednesday. Most people do the traditional Saturday, and an unorthodox non-traditional Sunday wedding happens from time to time. But tonight, tonight was untraditional as it comes.

Our "Fearless Leader" Brad is in charge of the Denver Cruisers ride every Wednesday night. Last year he met a girl on the ride that he was digging on. This year he asked her to marry him. They got married in the Circle of Death. You might think that this was a bad idea, but alas, I have some thoughts on this:

1. A marriage is a celebration of the union of two souls. A party. You may have not ever read the Bible, but I have - and here is the kicker on marriage: Its supposed to be a party. A good party. Hence, Jesus' first recorded miracle: He turned water into wine. At the end of the party. And it wasn't Franzia...it was the good stuff. Jesus said, "Hey guys, crank up the tunes, grab some more drinks, and lets do the Electric Slide a few more times...lets celebrate." Okay, I might have been paraphrasing, but you now get the point.

2. Ive been to some big weddings, but this one won. 400 plus people. A testament to the effect that Brad and Erin's reach on people. All on bikes. All in costume.

3. The guy officiating the marriage was dressed in a Moses costume, complete with robe, cane, and full beard.

It was a beautiful celebration. There were people from all walks of life there. All social demographics. Democrats and Republicans. Rich and poor. Straight and Gay. Hipster and preppy. All there to celebrate a marriage. No pretensions. All celebrations. There wasn't a need to reserve the most perfect chapel. There wasn't a need to reserve the most perfect reception hall. There wasn't a need for anything other than friends and good times. And, I mean, Devotchka played, how cool is that? Better than an old lady behind a organ anyday.

Isn't that how its supposed to be? When did it become a fiasco with bridezillas? When did bridezillas become so socially acceptable that a TV show was dedicated to them? When did it become okay/acceptable to spend more than a years' salary on making the wedding "perfect"? As far as I am concerned, tonight was perfect.

Cheers Brad and Erin. Best of luck. May your union last as long as good times exist.

The bridal procession:

The wedding procession (who needs limos?)

You might not...

...believe it, but I am a responsible person.

That being said, lets look at some highlights from this week:

Monday: I got my car exhaust inspection and brakes worked on. Now I am a little more confident that when I am cruising down the mountain this winter I can come to a complete stop. Not sure, but confident.

Tuesday: Had a couple of surgeries in the morning that should have been done by noon, didnt leave the hospital until 6. It happens.

Wednesday: Sat at my desk a lot and did things. Thats what grownups do. But then I negated all of my grownupness and went on the Denver Cruiser ride dressed as Goose from Top Gun. I WAS wearing my helmet, so I guess I get some grownup points back.

Thursday: I donned my man-clothes and played rep at a Interventional Radiology surgery. Then I ditched said man-clothes and took an afternoon bike ride with Brett and Hubbell. Somebody needs to tell those guys that they can breathe easier and ride faster if they would shut up. Then I went to the Little Lebowski's kickball game and proceeded to almost beat some dude up. Lesson be learned guys, never tell my brother to f&*k off when I am within earshot. Oh, then dont then ask me if I want to fight, because my answer will most definitely be "Absolutely."

Friday: Spent a little time with my dear old friend Catherine and her new hubby, then was treated as a chauffeur by somebody who shouldnt have treated me as a chauffeur. Long story.

Saturday: I had a 5 year old bottle of Avery Reverend. Incredible. Dont ever tell me that wine is more complex than beer. Because I will tell you that you are wrong.

Sunday: Long bike ride. Tried a new recipe that my dear friend Giadia DeLaurentis taught me (I think she has a crush on me, to tell you the truth). Took a nap while watching pro football.

JD in the infamous Circle of Death.

You might not...

...know this, but we won Oktoberfest at Vail this year. You didnt know it was a competition? Sure it is. To calculate your score you take the amount of German beer that you drank, multiply that by the minutes that you danced, give yourself a bonus point if you participated while missing a front tooth (congratulations Neff!), add up the number of sunny days, include the number of kegs you knocked off in keg bowling, and there you go. Bonus points for: pole dancing, taking your pants off, beautiful hikes, and "acquiring" beer tokens. Deductions for: not showing up at all, drinking American beer, "paying" for beer, and not wearing socks when you go hiking.

I calculated our team score and we won. Big. I would like to thank Neff for his contributions of knocking his front tooth out for the bonus points, as well as coming in 2nd place in keg bowling. Craig did a bang up job dancing and taking his pants off in the middle of Vail Village. I brought my A-game with pole dancing and getting free stuff. Sarah nearly cost us the championship by not wearing socks on the hike, but she's a chick - you cant really expect her to carry her own weight. At least she was wearing her brand new hiking slippers. Ha.

There were some afterbars involved, I think. But the night ended up just as it had last weekend after Brew at the Zoo...in a king sized bed with lots of people. Weird, I know. But we were all clothed. I think.

Here's big Stewart Neff bringing the pain. He won a free pair of Wolverine Boots this weekend (bonus points for free stuff).

And Craig doing his signature dance, the C-Walk (which, as far as I know, stands for "Craig Walk").

Prost.

I took a...

...4 hour nap on my love seat today. And I was in a funny position. But I could have slept in a bathtub in a dirty motel after today - Today being the unofficial official last bike race of the 2008 Season. The Buffalo Classic was this morning and I rode it solo, save for running into my friend Jenny at the start gate and seeing her at the checkpoints. So instead of being the clydesdale of my ten man (er, I mean ten person) team, I was blocking wind for complete strangers. It seemed that every time I looked back to check for cars there would be 4 or 5 people in my draft. Oh well, somebody has to do it. Here is a little recap:

Miles 1-20: "Holy s&*t, its cold. Maybe I should have worn more clothes. Brrr."

Miles 20-40: "You know, this isnt so bad...Im keeping a good pace. Its getting warmer. The sun is fantastic. There is a fantastic ratio of beautiful, lean cycling women out here. Today is going to be a good day."

Miles 40-60: "Whoa, is THAT the hill that we have to climb? Why do I have racing gears? I want a little ring. Its getting warm. At least they have bagels and nutella at all the checkpoints."

Miles 60-70: "S$*t. S*%t. I have to climb that hill AGAIN? I want something other than bagels and nutella."

Miles 70-80: "Could somebody please turn the wind off? Thanks. My underparts hurt."

Miles 80-90: "Barbecue sandwich, barbecue sandwich. Barbecue sandwich. Barbecue sandwich. Barbecue sandwich..."

Miles 90-95: "Okay, Im only 10 miles away. Walk in the park. I wonder if they are going to have barbecue sandwiches at the finish line."

Mile 96: "Hello cow. How are you? Why wont you answer me? You know, they make barbecue sandwiches out of people like you. I need to ride with other people."

Miles 97-99: "I want to go home."

Mile 100: "What the hell? Where is the finish line? I want my barbecue sandwich. I cant feel my legs."

Mile 100.84: "Ahhhh. No barbecue sandwiches? Pasta and meatsauce...whatever. Ill eat anything as long as it isnt bagels and nutella."

Distance: 100.84 miles

Avg Speed: 18.2 mph

Top Speed: 49.1 mph

Time: 5hrs 45min 12sec

This video shows how nice and smooth the ride looks. Notice: they did not show any footage of the climbs. I guess they want people to participate next year.

And as you can see here, our ascents were a little hairy at Carter Lake and Horsetooth (twice).

Well, lets put the bikes away and get the skis tuned up.

Its funny when...

...you mix zoo animals, carousels, beer, and people drinking beer. Really funny. I think I might have peed on a penguin.

The Brew at the Zoo was yesterday, and a friend of a friend of a friend that knew a guy that bought a car from Mountain States Toyota hooked us up with a few tickets. A few memorable things happened:

1. We actually convinced Stewart to ride his bike somewhere.

2. This was a classy deal - everyone received GLASS tasting mugs.

3. My glass tasting mug somehow ended up broken in the basin of a urinal. Whoops.

4. Craig was out of town, but somehow I was pouring beer for the Wynkoop. I told people that the Silverback Porter was actually brewed by gorillas on loan from the Denver Zoo. Some people actually believed me.

5. Stewart, Gideon, JD, and I decided it was a great idea to ride the carousel right before closing time. Afterward, I got on the microphone and said something to the entire carousel crowd. I hope what I said was nice.

6. After all this fiasco, somehow I ended up at the Rockbar to finish up the night.

Good thing I took it easy this weekend...I have a 100 mile bike race tomorrow. And I have to leave in 5 hours. Whoops again.

Sorry, I have to give you one more...listen for Neff's commentary. I'm suprised that he didnt say, "That osterich is a living legend."

The communists are...

...finally gone. I'm not going to delve too much into politics - but this conversation actually happened more than once last week after the Obama acceptance speech:

Obama Supporter and general Idealist: "Did you watch the Obama speech last night?!"

Myself and general Realist: "Yup."

OS: "What did yout think?"

Me: "Well, Id like to think I have an open mind and I am really approaching this whole election without leaning toward one party or another. I think Obama's speech was perfectly practiced sophist rhetoric. All of his ideals and goals were lofty...and unacheivable. Well, at least 90% was unacheivable. I wish that it was possible to do all the things that he said he would do, but there is no possible chance on this planet that he could actually do what he promised to do. I wish I could believe him, but being a Realist, I had a hard time not immediately recoginzing every impossible goal. Does that make sense?"

OS: "Yes, completely. I noticed that too...but isnt he a WONDERFUL speaker? I cant wait to vote for him."

Me: "Good luck."

You know who else was a great speaker? Hitler. I guess Ill have to watch a little RNC coverage, too. Dammit.

That being said, I left as soon as I possibly could and headed to the mountains with friends. My buddy Chris Baumgartner has a house, along with 9 others, in Nathrop, CO on the Arkansas River. Yes, ON the Arkansas. Private access. I fly fished with Matt (while Brett fished with spinner bait...in a bathing suit and Chacos), drank whiskey, and slept under the stars. Rinse, repeat. Also, while most of the houseguests went rafting, I took a few friends up to Frontier Ranch and showed them a little taste of what I did during the summers in college and the two years afterwards. Not only was it a joy to be able to show them around property and explain why everything was so spotless, but it made me think about why I really lived on those properties, and why I left. And maybe how I wasnt ready to.

Nevertheless, I shot 3 under on the front 9.

Afterwards we had a legendary steak dinner at the legendary Quincy's. 14 filet mignons, salad and baked potato, and quite a few mixed drinks: $210. Um, excellent. Then we hit up Cottonwood Hotsprings, which is apparently NOT clothing optional anymore - nevertheless excellent.

The unfortunate thing about Labor Day is that you have to actually labor on Tuesday. For me, I ended up working about 13 hours. Thats okay because after work I stumbled upon something and realized that...

I've found the...

...perfect cup of coffee. Seriously. And NO, its not Starbucks. Well, not for now.

Clover Coffee. Its not a roaster, its not a coffee shop, its a machine. An $11,000 machine that makes drip coffee. Sort of drip coffee. It looks like something from the USS Enterprise, there are pistons and hydraulics, its digital, and it makes one cup of coffee at a time. Seriously, find a shop anywhere within 30 minutes of you that has a Clover, go there, drink coffee. Repeat.

BUT DO IT SOON. Starbucks, in their infinite wisdom, budget, faux non-corporateness, and overroasted beans, bought Clover. Supposedly they are going to roll out Clover machines in their stores, but they dont have to. They most likely will pull a corporate-asshole move and just keep the beautiful things off the shelf so that people wont be able to enjoy a $2 cup of coffee that is (way) better than theirs. Even if they do, they will use the sour and bitter overroasted Starbucks beans in it and the coffee wont be as good as a local roasters'.

Thanks to The Red Trolley in the Highlands in Denver for giving Craig and me a cup...and a cup of homemade icecream...for free. Hooray freegans! Seriously, they have Wynkoop Rootbeer on tap and they have a 4:00 to 6:00 Happy Hour with $2 Rootbeer Floats. Go and enjoy.

Continuing coverage of...

...the DNC here. Of course from a local's perspective. And really, there is no real coverage of the Convention itself, just the craziness that surrounds it.

Its Wednesday, and you know what that means: Denver Cruisers night. You might think that the DNC might have put us on hold for the week. Nope. But it DID put the fact that you have to wear clothes rule-of-thumb on hold. Body paint should suffice. We were almost 200 strong, and apparently this week if you have a gathering of more than 50 people and you dont have a permit - then you are operating an illegal protest and will be immediately arrested. But we werent carrying signs, and the only thing we were chanting/yelling was "Happy Wednesday!" so I think the cops were just relieved to have a little peace. And body paint.

JD (who has, in honor of the DNC, changed his name to John Hussein McCain Denver David Hortel), some other Denverites, and I made it to a couple of stops - then we had the hankerin' for a burrito from Illegal Petes. Its right in the heart of downtown, so we didnt think we could actually score a burrito. After being stopped by some heroic SWAT members because of a "suspicious package" in the road (that they had to BLOW UP, cool) - we made it to IPs. No problem getting in. No line to speak of. Apparently all those uppity DCers and East Coasters think it is improper to eat with their hands. I thought it was properly delicious.

Downtown is an utter fiasco. I feel like a tourist in my own home. At least I didnt have to talk politics today.

Happy Wednesday.

Okay you guys...

...seriously, its time to get out of my city. You don't have to go home, but you cant stay here. Party is over.

I know, I know, Obama isn't speaking until Thursday. BUT there is this CRAZY new invention we have called the "television." It lets you see things from far away. Kind of like a telescope, but is run by lasers, nuclear reactors, and hamster wheels. You don't even have to be in Denver to hear or see him speak - just turn on that little box.

I went down to Civic Center Park today and counted no less than 6 separate groups protesting something today there. They weren't protesting anything that the Democratic Party was doing...just protesting. Its a forum, not a convention. Wait, no, not a forum...its a damn circus. I knew all along that people were going to protest, but what I didn't know that if you are going to be an activist, you have to take an oath never to shower or bathe again. My highschool locker room smelled like the Coco Chanel Gardenia compared to Civic Center Park.

And the police...the poor, poor police. Man, I guess I'm not going to sound too hip when I say this, but those police are really taking a beating. There were 4 bike cops getting a little reprieve in the shade today while being berated by a NORML activist, "Hey man, you cant just come busting down my door and arrest me for smoking pot in my own house, man. I know my rights."

"Well, I mean, we could. But we wouldn't. We have better things to do than bust a little unshaven stoner for smoking a little pot. Go ahead, go home and smoke pot. Please, go home and smoke pot. Just go home." That was the most sensical thing I've heard in a week. Maybe its because you can peg me for a republican from a mile away, or that I merely wasn't carrying a sign or a megaphone...but all the Police have been really friendly and kind with me all week. Hats off, Denver Police - thank you for doing your job and keeping us all safe.

And here is the real reason, the real cause of my discomfort: I couldn't get a beer at the Wynkoop today. I cant get a beer at the Wynkoop all week, its rented out. BUT I could get a beer at the Great Divide, thank God.

So, I'm not...

...the biggest supporter of Democrats. Generally, I think that the general populous has their heads in the clouds. I don't think the politicians do...really on the contrary. I think they are really concerned with helping the common people out. Which is honorable. BUT their constituents don't see the whole picture. Alas, this isn't a political blog...it is an account of my life and all the fun things that happen to me, for the most part. And today - today is no different. The DNC is in Denver this week, and I believe that this week will be no different.

Tonight was the repeat night of the Wig Party. I thought that it would be crazy because it is held downtown, and it happens to be the first weekend of the DNC, so I didn't think that we would be able to get around like we have in the past. Well, I was right.

After paying $4 for a Miller Light bottle, I said "Self, there are a bunch of politicians and lobbyists in town, its time to get some free stuff." And free stuff I got. We pretended to be big wigs in our suits, but we were really just mooching off the government. Go capitalism!

Craig and I planned ahead and wore suits. You might think "Well, I don't really see you two in suits downtown..." Well, I don't either. I saw it more of a "costume" than an outfit. And boy, did it work for us.

For one, we look good in suits. That is not an opinion, its science. Scientifically, Craig and I look good in suits...we can't help it. We DID go to the Wig Party. But then we went to a Jewish Singles art opening. I wore a name tag that read "Shalom - my name is THADEUS." Seriously. Then we moved onto some sort of Congressional Lobbyist party at Tamayo in Lodo. Free booze (Top Shelf) and free food (empanadas made from a little chicken, and a little awesomeness). Craig, Amy, and some other gang rode home, and I went to a jazz bar with a cute congressional assistant (wearing a blue dress) to dance and enjoy. What can I say, I have to show the tourists a little local flare.

I think this week might be pretty good, despite all the democrats.

If I were...

...the king of some kingdom things would be a little different. Well, different from other kingdoms:

1. There would be big walls around the place. I know, this is a throwback to the good old days of yore...you know - Jericho, Rome, etc. Its not original, but nobody does it anymore. And I think its pretty cool.

2. This is really an extension of number 1, but my walls would be surrounded by a moat. Again, oldschool.

3. Every night before bedtime, we would have a cool show like the one I saw tonight: Joe Purdy, Meiko, Jay Nash, and Chris Seefried. Everyone attending would have access to some good beer and some good tunes, and nobody would have trouble sleeping.

4. Meiko will marry me. Seriously: cute. plays guitar. sings like a fallen angel. and is pretty funny inbetween songs (and during songs for that matter). If anybody knows Meiko, please pass these thougts along.

5. Communism. Here's is my take on Idealism vs. Realism: Communism, Idealistically, should work. Realistically, it doesnt - due to the human condition of greed. But its my kingdom, and I say that its gonna work.

6. If you dont pull your weight, we give you 6 weeks and we kick you into the moat. I hope you can swim. If you can swim successfully across, we will give you a second chance...to try a shot at becoming a swim teacher.

7. The women wear sundresses. The men wear three piece suits with hats. Again, my kingdom.

8. We will all eat together every night. No, I wont feed you...you just grab your food and take it into the commons. Oh, and take a to-go with you if you feel so inclined.

9. There will be a brewery...this is part of the communist concept: everybody helps brew, everyone gets beer. Bam, happiness. Maybe this is why the USSR failed...

10. A miniature train with sponsors will run along the top of the city walls, therefore making fajita lunches cheap for everyone.

I dont know, just a thought.

Well, its official...

...we definitely dont know how to throw a party. Im thinking about taking a class or something to learn how. Until then, we will just have to snore throughout our ATX parties.

I remember a few things happening:

1. Lots of pictures were taken. I mean, that was inevitable because a portion of the party was in my studio. But Chris Baumgartner rolls deep with a Polaroid 660, so that helped too.

2. Amy broke her foot. Craig swears that he broke it because "she was acting up." But really Amy just has really brittle old lady bones, and one of her metatarsils broke while she was just walking. Straight. On a flat surface. Girls and their shoes...thats why I always wear running shoes. Always.

3. The taco truck didnt show up to the Great Divide. It was a good idea, but the taco dude apparently had better things to do. Its okay, Craig saved the day and ordered 20 pizzas.

4. We won.

5. I got a free beer at the Bannock Street Garage. Apparently, I just walked up to the bartender and said "Hey, Im the guy that brought the people." It worked.

6. We got some more people involved with ATX. I mean, yes, Summerween was a huge party. Nothing wrong with a huge party. BUT we had a bunch of people there that had never been to any ATX functions and seem excited and interested in doing the community service stuff - so Summerween was a success right there.

7. The Rockbar. Thats all I have to say about that.

You can always...

...go home. And that is what I did last weekend. Usually we try to do all of our work meetings in Colorado. You know, we pick out a nice spot up in the mountains: We ski in Vail in the winter, we raft in Buena Vista in the summer. But this year? Texas. Texas in the summer. The meeting started on Tuesday and lasted through Saturday. That being said...I rolled in on Friday afternoon. I couldnt stand the heat, I left the kitchen.

It wasnt so bad - the other people in the company had meetings all week, went to surgery to further their training, financials, sales calls, etc. I came in just in time to eat dinner at Joe T's and head out to Lake Granbury to play on the lake. Couldn't have planned it any better.

But this is the week of having two full time jobs: ATX SummerWEEN is on Saturday. So I am in the process of collecting money, renting busses, sending emails, compiling guest lists, trying to collect money, emailing people about collecting money, reserving places, calling places, obtaining canned fishing beer, mixing drinks, buying styrofoam coolers, figuring out costumes, prepping costumes, etc. You know, party stuff. I mean, I am excited about the party itself - but what I am more excited about is that more and more people are getting involved in ATX (Awesome to the Max, the Denver Adult Superfraternity). For me, ATX isnt really about the parties, but about the community of 20 and 30 somethings that can all get together and make a difference in the community...all the while having fun. More to come on that...

See you Saturday. Go ATX. Please keep the noise down on Sunday, and get me another Gatorade. Oh, and a hamburger. And some Aspirin.