When in Rome...

...do as the Romans do. I'm not really sure what that entails. Perhaps drink wine with a long lunch. Maybe it means to speak Italian.

But when in Alabama, do as the 'Bamans do. I know what that means...wear jorts always, wear shirts seldom. Fish. Drink. Get sunburned. Don't answer your phone. Eat plenty of seafood. Only wear shoes when necessary. Don't work.

Colorado, I'm coming back - but I might bring a few customs back with me.

I am shirtless...

...walletless, phoneless, showerless, and shoeless. I have been for days. I mean - those things are within reach, but I choose not to reach. I am on vacation, you will probably not talk to me until I am home, and I just wanted to let you know that:
1. My cutoff jorts are making their first appearance of the year. And so are my thighs.
2. I got jellyfished within 5 minutes of entering the water. Thus, I peed on myself for the first time...uh, the first time on purpose.
3. My favorite beltbuckle broke today. Its been a good ride.
4. My dad thought that we bought too much booze and that we would have to throw it away at the end of the trip. We are two days in, and we have to go to the store tomorrow because the bottles are dry.
5. I have sand in my crack.

I got my...

...first road-biking boo-boo today. I was on the Cherry Creek Trail heading southeast, attempting to exit at Downing (a 180 degree left turn). Both tires slipped out, and my body skidded on the concrete. Luckily i was able to keep my bike out of most of the trouble. Unluckily, my skin is not made from kevlar (yes Mom, I was wearing a helmet...but no elbow pads, mouth guard, knee pads, or protective bubble). Ah well, scars are cool. My biggest problem now is that I COMPLETELY realize that I need new tires, I have a conference call at 9am, and I have a ride to follow. Luckily, the bike shop opens early and I have a bike tech that works for beer living in my house. All is not broken. It can be fixed.
And I dont know if you realize this or not, but today is Wednesday. Now, some people set their calendars up to rotate around the weekends. Nope - mine revolves around Wednesdays. The Denver Cruisers (http://www.denvercruisers.com/) ride every Wednesday. All 150+ of us. We wear funny costumes. We stop traffic. We go into snotty one-name bars and ruin everyone's nights. Not that we want to bother anybody, but seriously - if you wear your pointy toed shoes and shiny shirt to a "club" on a Wednesday to impress the cute professional assistant girl, you deserve it. She isnt that impressed that you can afford a $4 bottle of Bud Light at a bar that has blue lights and bottle service. My posse actually headed straight back to the "VIP" section (see: the place that you pay a shitload of money so that you can look rich...er, I mean, cool), sat on the leather couches, and pulled the rope barriers around us. Look how exclusive we are! Then we got bored and went across the street to Old Chicago and used our old college IDs to buy really nice beer for a couple of bucks. Take that Monarch.

Time for the...

...first bike ride of the season is winding down. The Elephant Rock is a week and a half away. I'm in good shape, probably the best shape I've been in since college. So I'm not too worried about my performance in the ride. BUT what I need to worry about now is how cool I can look.

Don't really have to worry about that either. Thanks for the jersey, JDizz. Boom.

Our adult superfraternity...

...ATX (aka "Awesome to the Max" is officially official. You know how I know? We have cups. Yup, little 16 ounce plastic babies - green with glorious white letters. Beer never tasted so sweet. The Cup's homecoming party was none other than the First Annual Date auction benefiting the National MS Society.

Well, let's take a step back - it wasnt merely a date auction. It was a Bike Pub Crawl/Date Auction/30th Birthday Party for Dan Tisser. All good things, and in no particular order. We all hopped on our cruisers at the ripe old hour of 2pm, had some drinks, rode around Cap Hill, rode around Cap Hill while having drinks. THEN we had the date auction (all the while celebrating Dan's under the hill birthday).

It was good. Amy made us a sweet banner, which will no doubt be flying on the Flagpole at the ATX Frat House. I mean, if we had a flagpole...

We actually raised quite a bit more money than we had previously imagined. Perhaps its because our friends are more generous than I give them credit for. Perhaps its just because the people being auctioned off were just that excellent. To give you a gauge of this, a little sample pricing:

Craig: $16

Me: $48

Ha. I actually found a new calling - Auctioneer. I had a good time with it...Sotheby's, here I come. Watch your pompous ass, because Im bringing the pain.

After the auction, we hit up Wymans for a little Wii, then Park Tavern for a little $1 u-call-its. I hear we had a good time. You know, for charity.

There's nothing that...

...says "COLORADO" like a Crawfish boil. Okay, yeah, totally landlocked and not southern, but...well, maybe it has nothing to do with Colorado, but it was awesome anyway. I have a mom. Her name is Cyndy. I talk to her on the phone sometimes. And sometimes she comes to visit me. Last weekend was one of those times. She was a trooper and made it to the Boil. She even helped me get one of those little mudbugs drunk.

At one point in the afternoon we traded Mom for my pseudo-Sister Mallory, and made her experience her first crawdaddy.

Mom made it back to Chicago. I got a little rest. I hope everyone is happy now.

All my training...

...has paid off, I am officially an athlete again. A honest to God, amateur athlete. The thrill of competition, the adrenaline of sport, the agony of defeat, the joy of victory. Yes, Kickball has been good to me. I have to admit, I have been using performance enhancing supplements (ie: beer), but there are no official sanctions banning the use of beer by the Commission. You know, if there even is a commission.

The summer schedule is starting, which means that I will have exactly no free time if I actually participate in everything. Monday - Ultimate Frisbee, Tuesday - Rockies Games, Wednesday - Denver Cruisers, Thursday - Kickball, (Friday and Saturday arent really that planned, but always filled with fun), Sunday - Park day and Jazz in the Park. So now I get a little competition. If you know me well, you know that I was at one time the most intensely competitive person on the planet...but things have changed a little. I still like to compete, I just dont care who wins as long as I get a little sweaty. For example - Frisbee Mondays: Somebody once asked me -

Other Person: What do we play to?

Me: Dark.

And then there was the conversation at Kickball this week -

Me: (to the girl that was playing right field) When somebody is throwing to first, you have to backup the firstbaseman in case he misses the ball.

Girl: Im from Australia. Ive never even seen a baseball game. I have no idea what you are talking about.

Me: Fair enough, I am going to go back to center field and drink beer between batters.

Ah well.

I have decided...

...that I will wear whats functional. If its cold, I will wear a jacket. If raining, a raincoat. Warm out? Then linen. And if its springtime you ask? I will roll up my pantlegs. Hell, if Sean Connery can do it then its officially cool. I will no longer make fun of man-pri pants, 3 quarter length pants (ahem, Sam Priddy), or any version thereof.
BUT that doesn't mean I will make fun of fashion. I no longer consider rolled up pants fashionable, but functional. Therefore, expect me to make fun of your designer $300 zip-up boots. I will snicker at your shiny clubbing shirt. I will laugh at your white framed sunglasses. I will tell you to straighten out your sideways hat. I will un-pop your collar for you...unless you are playing golf or otherwise protecting your neck from the sun (alas, function).
Ladies, consider yourself exempt from my conservatism - unless your fashion is entirely ridiculous. An example: snow boots with a short skirt...utterly contradictory, unless of course you are planning on tramping through the effects of a snowstorm in the middle of summer. I won't say that I don't enjoy seeing your legs, but I will still make a funny face when seeing your style.
Check the weather, dress appropriately. Thanks.

Ah, things they...

...are a-happening. Short of a freak snowstorm last week, summer time is at hand. Good weather means good training time - Ive been riding about 100 miles a week, and that is increasing. 15 milers are turning into 20 milers are turning into 25 milers. The long rides are turning from 30 milers to 40 milers. And I finally went down to get fitted at the Bicycle Village in Aurora. My buddy Dan Tisser hooked me up with a fitter named Keith, who used tape measurers, protracters, and freaking laser beams to get all my bike parts lined up to fit my spin. Now I dont get numb feet. My knees dont hurt. I dont have any pain in my shoulder blades. Go to BV and see Keith, he will make your life a lot easi...well, less painful.

AND I have a new addition - a 1960's Schwinn Typhoon, almost all original parts.

AND I have another new addition. Well, its more of a subtraction...but the mustache is back. Feliz Cinco de Mustache! I celebrated by going to the first ever US-Sanctioned Lucha Libre match, courtesy of my neighbor Gideon. It was, well, awesome.